What happened

Squashed was what I felt happened to my opinions and ideas. If they did not line up with my husband's opinions, then my opinion was dismissed (his opinion was bible because "he was the head of our house".) You know, I believed at that time, it was right to follow his lead as the head of our family during those years. But I felt like a second class citizen.

After many years of complying for peace in our large family. I started balking and decided that my opinion does matter. I will not let him dominate me. I struggled with who I was, and as a couple we struggled. We went for counseling, I thought "we" were going to end. He didn't like the changes in me, and had a hard time accepting my changes. When my husband finally realized that I was not going back to the way it was he finally accepted me.

What a shame he does not hear me and my opinions. I feel he accepts me like if I was the whore and he the prophet who accepted his wife as a symbol for Isreal. Our marriage still struggles and I still feel isolated. It took many years to get to where we were, it may take many more to get to where we are "we" again. I wonder if it will ever be so and yet I wait.

The funny thing is I have never strayed from our marriage. I was the submissive obedient wife, homemaker. We raised our 5 children to love God and each other, homeschooling to install values and morals. They are intelligent individuals. It was hard work but well worth it. If I knew it was going to be this way I wonder if I would have walked the same road.